Do you know me?
Are you sure you know me?
I dun even know myself...

这是我们的纪念日
纪念我们开始对自己诚实
愿意为深爱的人 放弃骄傲
说少了你生活淡的没有味道

这是美丽的纪念日
纪念我们能重新认识一次
有些事要流过泪才看的到
不求完美 爱的更远
要过的更好

The sick and clumsy plus heavy sleeper BABY'S BREATH.
This is the song i dedicated to u...the lyrics fit wat i feel perfectly...if u understood, i believe u willl feel the same too...haha...

Thank you for the chance to allow me to apologise to u personally in words.
Thank you for everything u did for me in the past.

I tot i would never have the chance to do that.
I feel quite relieved today, although i didnt sleep...you can hit me next time...haha...but it was like a long long heavy burden lar...

Sorry really is the hardest word. To admit that it was my fault. To declare that it was my failure.

All along, because u hurt me, i tried to hate u, but i realise, i was the one who really hurt u deeply first...so, i couldn't bring myself to blame u anything...

If i never get a chance to tell u personality in future, this is my last blessing for u: 祝你永远幸福.





How come the post sounds so morbid huh...haha...and u better not feel sad anymore and recover from ur illness ASAP...oh ya, have u found out the meaning of baby's breath?

Oh ya, Last Week's social work was super inspiring sia...when Siang Meng also said that he will join us, i felt a little relief, cause we are the only two guys there lar...ok, other than Uncle Edwin...but we were the two who were more cheerful and more relax around...at least i can relate to him more, younger lar...the girls are ok, but still, u rather there to have another guy along rite? Better than alone...

So the kids, in FF were getting more friendly with me...i hope i can communicate with J and LC more, esp J, super naughty, like wat they say, he's the leader, if i can talk to him and change him, the rest will tame down...

Anyway, he volunteered to be the volunteer during the mask making lar...and he was so nice when making the mask, so attentive and like wipe LC's cheek when the water dripped down lar...wa lao...i wanted to make him the child of the day...but two weeks ago was him...plus E was super nice also...although he has some skin problem, he wasnt scared of the mask at all lar....LC was super guai lar...he just didnt talk and listen to all instructions without fail...plus he was initially so scared of the mask, then later, he was so brave lar...YD didnt make the mask, makes me wonder wat to do next friday sia...but he helped to make the masks for J and LC too...

I hope i can touch them more...and hope they are able to learn wat we taught them...

And i should also know the rest of the kids more ba...


Pardon me, i m not allowed to disclose their names out...so i shall using initials...

I am using avast! antivirus now...and it's like every few second there will be a virus from the net blocked by the system...now i know why i ganna so much virus in the past...the net is really a place full of virus man....and i hate the spywares...damn irritating....anyone has good anti spywares to recommend? I am using spyware blaster and ad aware le lar...any better ones?

I think now my firewall wouldnt allow me to host Dota le ba...

Oh ya, i reformatted my com, so i would need to reinstall my Warcraft 3 and Frozen Throne to play dota again...

The Uni Orientation camps are so so so uninspiring sia...i read le also feel so sian....esp with water sports, which i totally suck in water...haha...but i felt like trying wakeboarding lar...but the water gives me a little uneasy feeling...

Nevermind, i need to make time to go run to keep up my stamina, last sat's bball game i was super wiped out lar...cause of stamina...plus i need to improve on my left hand shooting...

I really really hope my schedule will enable me to learn Jap in Uni le...really...i would be so pissed off if i cant lar...then i have to fall back to bunka lang to learn...then maybe too long le i need to take the enrolment test...

ARGH....

Because this song is so super nice and meaningful to me, and i presume to many people, i am posting the lyrics here after listening to it for once...

范玮琪 - 我们的纪念日
作词:姚若龙 作曲:陈小霞

我的心忽然又活了
总在见到你的那一刻
原来我也有过这样的悸动
只是在习惯自我保护后 忘了
想聊的故事太长了
反而就都沉默的笑着
金色阳光洒在你双手上头
看起来好暖让我想紧紧握着

这是我们的纪念日
纪念我们开始对自己诚实
愿意为深爱的人 放弃骄傲
说少了你生活淡的没有味道

这是美丽的纪念日
纪念我们能重新认识一次
有些事要流过泪才看的到
不求完美 爱的更远
要过的更好

想聊的故事太长了
反而就都沉默的笑着
金色阳光洒在你双手上头
看起来好暖让我想紧紧握着

这是我们的纪念日
纪念我们开始对自己诚实
愿意为深爱的人 放弃骄傲
说少了你生活淡的没有味道

这是美丽的纪念日
纪念我们能重新认识一次
有些事要流过泪才看的到
不求完美 爱的更远
要过的更好

我用寂寞来惩罚我
看着你走过
要什麽当时不说
此刻能有你倾听我 轻轻的转着
那是种甘甜以后 让人想哭的快乐

这是我们的纪念日
纪念我们开始对自己诚实
愿意为深爱的人 放弃骄傲
说少了你生活淡的没有味道

这是美丽的纪念日
纪念我们能重新认识一次
有些事要流过泪才看的到
不求完美 爱的更远
过的更好

Super nice lyrics rite? Fan Fan always have this kind of super meanigful song...although she's not beautiful, and super thin...her voice damn nice lar...ok ok...go get the album or download the song yourself to listen to it ba...very nice...

Finally sing KTV again, after so so so so so long...anyway, it's like so strange singing duet with another guy....eeee....gross...haha...but then, singing is fun...and singing with any pressure and consideration is super fun....haha...

Today i meet Yu Ling izzit...the grand junior batch girl who's a national fencer...ya...she looks totally the same lar...and so ang moh study TCM man...wa lao...can u believe it...nevermind, i shall meet her in school...i staying hostel, wa lao later stay same hall as her...haha...no she's a nice person lar...just thinking if such coincidental cases only appear in dramas....

Sleeping le...last reflection post..

I learnt to make mask today, to teach kids on friday.
Suppose to be that, the mask will be of the sahpe of their faces, it's a lesson on self identity, how u see the mask as urself. Later on they will paint on it, so as to reflect their feelings...like i heard one girl painted tears on the mask, because she has always been crying....

Then i realise adults are the one wearing mask all day long...Hypocrites, Betrayers, Backstabbers...those are the worst cases lar...and those who tries to hide their tears, pain and suffering from people, to be strong and not to gain sympathy...have seen and been one myself...i believe everyone else had his or her fair shair of masking their trueself...

How ironic it is to ask kids who are truely innocent and pure to create mask...izzit a sign of growing up....

Izzit rite? Izzit wrong? I dunno...but one thing for sure, when the day someone touches your heart and sees u through your mask, i guess, u would have found THE ONE.

Shall end with a lght hearted YouTube for a laugh

Today i woke up with a slight nostalgic feeling...started to miss the life in camp...haha...when everyone wake up to find one another around, then we start to talk cock...blah blah...Everthing seems to have pass so fast, so soon...really a twinkle of an eye...

So JC's over le...NS is over le...so so so fast rite?

I look back into the days when i was just a little boy in primary school..so cute (OPPS...haha)...then just run around all day, only know how to play...to my secondary school days when we just play computer games, basketball, bridge...haha....so fun...

Then JC came. My first love, my first heartbreak...first time i cried for her...i didn't cry in front of her, which i didn't know why, probably cause i didn't want to make her feel more sad...after that, i told myself never to cry for a girl again....

Anyway, we shall skip that topic today, for now i proceed to my NS days, when i made more buddies, pals and brothers-in-arms....suffering days, when we were exhausted, sweating everyday, blood spilled, yet high spirited...when u fall, ur buddies carry you along, when we were hungry, how we share our food and drinks, how we endured every every shit that u probably could have chosen to be a simple soldier and heck care everything....

You wanto know why u have to salute an officer? Cause he has been through so much obstacles to be an officer....so so so much man...i do not gurantee that all officers are worthy of the salute, for i have seen some unworthy ones, without integrity and spirit...but it's not the rank that's not worthy...he's just unworthy of the rank and status of an officer...

Anyway...so now, i even receive NSmen Ops manning notification...haha...i feel so old le...haix...

If i were to redo my life again, i would certainly take the same path, probably the only thing that will change would be that i should have treasured someone more...much much much more....I hurt her first, then she hurt me...but i seriously deserve it lor....i was such a bastard man...男人都很下贱...

So today, this lyrics is for her.


很想说有你是幸福的
很想说我的心是你的
很想说你真的误解了
很想说你真的忘记了
很想说会好好疼你的
很想说爱你是自由的
很想说你是否听见了
很想说你真的忘记了


I broke my promise to not speak of sadness again.

Finally got out of the stupid road show @ compass point...i had an extremely boring and tiring 6 days there, at this COURTS road show of PANASONIC products. There were so little people around the road show, the retails upstairs were doing much better. Anyway, we basically talk cock, watch DVDs while waiting for time to pass...there were so few customers around to talk to despite the 11 hours per day that wwe have to stand throughout...

I only managed to sell like 2 DVD recorders for the 6 days lar...compared to i sold 7 DVD recorders in one single day at PC show 2006 to make myself the DVD recorder king...haha...2 was the maximum number of recorders sold by any promoter this time also, so i held my title...

Like also because it was from courts, the promotion were like so stupid lar....robinson vounchers only...that's like so freakin lousy compared to the other road shows we have done, free up to five years extended guarantees, pluys discounts, bargaining....it's like so difficult to close sales, with the courts people's attitude lar...when customers asked for free mounting bracket @ the harvey norman road show, it was like "if u get it now, i will throw in for u". This one from courts was like "$55 bracket le...cannot lar.."...pls lar...road show le, u like that, no wonder sales like !#@%!$@% lar.....

Anyway, some customers didnt even like idea of buying COURTS product, they were like, "You are from COURTS? EEeeee...thanks, i dun want to buy here le...". Still i tried to tell them how nice and reliable panasonic TV was, and they believed, took down the model number and went off....now u tell me how am i going to sell the products...no wonder this road show, i think for 7 days in total we sold like lesser thatn 6 TVs....that's even less than 1 per day...the worst i have seen and been..

Luckily, this time, there were alot of companions to talk cock around...all the tekmedia people, from AV, Eddy, Shashi, Yan and Melvin...from Camera, Shu Xian, Daniel, Rick, Darren, Mark, Wenqi, Hawk, Kelvin, Khew...from HA, Irene, Alfie, Henry, Pat...and of course one or two courts stuff quite nice one...and of course the battery boy Kenneth, if not,i would have died of boredom...

Anyway, it was quite interesting everyone exchanged contacts to try to keep in contact ya...not sure if we will really keep in contact, but i hope so, those people are quite nice, promoters are all quite nice to talk to...u see, i get irritated when i asked someone interested in a product,"Can i help u?", then the person said"no thanks" then continue to look at the TVs, trying to make out the differences and the listed stats....pls lar...can ask rite...he could have just talked to a promoter lar...like we will eat him up like that...esp TV le...how many people knows more about TV than the product promoters themselves....

Dun u guys feel guilty to have done the samething in the past before? Haha...i think i did also, but that was clothes lar...like i need to think of stuff to match the clothes, so dun need help, but TV and tech stuff i sure ask one lor...

Next time when a promoter approaches u with a smile, talk to him/her,...it's tiring wearing a smile all day ok...or even if u reject the offer to help, reply politely with a thanks can...so people are attrociously rude lar...makes me damn pissed off lar...

This roadshow was just one for me to make more friends i think...

The reason i waivered a little was also cause of a stupid wish, which i slap myself for it, but i still think of that...

So i decided to move on to go to NTU instead, my parents was ok, so ya, NTU le lor...accountancy anyway, NTU much better....

actually i counted with the scholarship, i will need to pay 4000 plus for my studies for 4 years in NUS...i can even pay it with my savings from NS

Nevermind, i think...i shall work in Tekmedia during Uni lor to earn money....haha...

Thank you guys for all the concern, especially to hui jun, she is already facing problems at school and home le...thanks girl..my problem is nothing compared to urs lar....

Anyway, today was my second volunteer work with FEI YUE. So i saw two more kids from my group today, today they got more rowdy, much more rowdy, all the kids from the groups, probably due to more kids. My group was the worst, practically beyond control. There are three volunteers in my group, one a retired man, one a PRC matured lady, and urs truly.

Basically, with that kind of situation, i need to move into a friendly gor gor position real fast, to control them and be their mentor. They dun really get friendly to the older man, and the PRC lady, one or two basically outcast her, maybe cause she was a girl. Kids at 10, 11 tend to be so lar...like rather girl haters...geee, they never realise they will just fall in love with one in future and protect her all his life, when they are bullying and outcasting girls now....haha...

I did ok lar...felt guilty that i couldnt control the kids well...but the others were praising our group leaders(3 of us) and me again, cause the kids really are troublemakers...haha...Well i did fit in, they even invited me to play "heart attack", which i learnt how to play by watching them for a few rounds.

Anyway, coincidental to find out that this 17 yr old girl in our group, i think she's the only one younger than me around, is from Hwa Chong also....haha...cause she was wearing this pair of ugly "Hwa Chong" printed socks...i was laughing at her...haha....she's from chinese dance...haha...she rush down from school to meet the 3.15 timing lar...wa lao...if it's me, i will be super lazy one lor...haha...very nice girl i think...should be lar, i can see how tired she look, but still come to the program.

Like wat the prayers we did at the start and end of the Captain R program, "God, help us guide the children along the path of life..."

NUS BBA Merit Scholarships:

Superior incoming students are offered $5000 a year of scholarships for up to 5 years. Eligible students will be automatically offered these scholarships following offers for admissions"

Wa...great man...just when i was going to click to confirm NTU then receive this letter.....this offer for some buz scholarship....wa lao...now i start to have second tots on everything le...

Should i stick to NTU, or lessen my parents burden for my studies and go NUS...but i studying accountancy le...NUS BUS with accountancy specialization is like.."our specialization is under serious consideration by the relevant authorities..."....

But i always never wanted to use my parent's money to study...in fact, i didnt wanted to go Uni at first, wanted to work first then pay on my own to study...

WHAT CAN I DO....SOMEONE HELP ME...

Been having trouble with a strong gravitational pull acting on me while lying on the bed. Someone help me...

Anyway, work's starting soon again...have to miss another work of basketball game again...my fitness level is falling with all my work....now i finally realise how naive i was to think u could exercise after work, because u will be super tired and lazy to do so...and that's why guys go out of shape so soon when working...i need to come up with a plan soon...real soon......

My jap lesson's not starting until end july..should i wait for it or not take it and take japanese lessons in school? I would take in school, just wanted to to study as much as possible first lar...

Back to sleep, need to wake up early tmr...

This is by Pablo Neruda, posted by my dear zhaoqi on the faff blog...haha...

Tonight I can write the saddest lines

Write for example, ‘The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.’

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I love her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms,
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.


Quite nice rite...anyway, i realise everytime when i need to 吃斋 hor, there is no such food around for me to eat lar...so difficult to 吃斋 man..it's not i dun want to eat lor..it's there are lots of times when there is nothing...even vegetarian food lar...i wonder how do vegetarians survive the lack of vegetarian food in singapore....

While working, i saw this SUPER SUPER CUTE HAMTARO...then immediately i tot of HER. Dunno why, just this tot, so i told BB i feel like getting one for her, but i dunno if i should, cause to me, it becomes very meaningless. Then he said "giving something to a friend does not need a purpose wat"

I said "Ya, it's not a purpose, it's a meaning..at least in the past it was a stupid wish to make her happy at all cost...now it's like redundant...i feel that it's not worth it lor..."
"Anyway her boyfriend got her a real hamster on her birthday le...which i dunno why...and i never knew she love hamster...i buy hamtaro for wat..."

"Huh...real hamster? Dies damn fast le...wa lao...when it dies she will be super sad lar..."

"He should have seen it when he gave the hamster lar..."

Blah blah blah...

In the end i didnt buy that hamtaro.


Missing someone is like having a blunt blade, stab once and again into ur heart, and only a lover's hug and kiss can those wounds be healed.

かわいいね。。。わたしわだいすきのけだものね。。。。

SO strange to say but i love bears from young...haha....abit sissy rite...haha...but i really love bears...especially panda....haha....

Sorry, cute side of lixiang...prelude to my more serious words..

哭.
因为伤心.
因为难过.
因为委屈.
因为害怕.
因为痛苦.
因为彷徨.
因为无助.
因为开心.
因为感动.

笑.
但你真的开心吗?

所以我选择哭.
你明白吗?

伟大的爱情故事,总是一悲剧收场.
因为其美德灿烂,才能带给人们最真诚的感动.
眼泪才是开启心锁的钥匙.

Haha...i finally sold one sofa today....haha...but since the commission will be like 1.50 only, i passed the sales to the staff there as they have some attrocious sales target to meet...

Anyway, if u are free, download the ex(NS)men podcast from mr brown.com
,super funny....haha....from army guys only...haha

Happy 20th Birthday to Michelle Teoh, my dearest xiao mei....=P

Moshi moshi!
I am back...

Had a super busy and tiring week @ the PC FAIR 2006, meet tons of familiar faces working as promoters there like Elmo, Ching Wei De, Atticus, Kai Xiang, Sgt Wan Xuan and those people visiting the fair lar...like Ying Feng, Mark Loo, Yuji...blah blah blah...so so so many people lar...

Tons of pretty babes there lar...visitors not bad also...the booth babes are quite hot lar...top of the line, Divoom, Samsung, Ienova, Nokia....Ienova girls were wearing white spag top with black lacey short skirt, Nokia ones were wearing white tube with white mini skirt lar...super hot lar...haha...

Sorry, those are just eye candies lar...i am not feeling excited or wat, but it's just seldom u see so many well dressed pretty girls around in Singapore...Japan will be everywhere lar...

But the point i am bringing to is that....i heard that Nokia girls are paid like $350 a day lar!!!!! That's super super good lar...my 4 days commission also less than their one day lar....siao man....if only i am a pretty girl, super easy to make money lar...doll up and stand around attract people can le...haha...

So i top sales for the DVD recorder and player.

But the point is that each player cost 799, which is like 3 players for 1 TV. And i only sold 3 LCD TVs lar....so my commission is one of the lowest...alittle disappointed lar...sales quantity, not quality...haix...because of me, we have to replace the DVD recorders, which was cash and carry stocks 2 more times lar...Jason came up to me and said,"My DVD recorders rely on u le..." Alot of sales but my com very little le....even less than someone, which me and BB felt that his promoting skills was SUPER SUPER unsincere...i dunno how he can convinced customers lar...are they plain super or wat?

It makes u wonder if it really helps to speak well and be very friendly...one customer even told me that he went everywhere, but i am the only one who truely convinced him totally...shook my hands and said i have a good future..haha...quite funny...i said i part time only, going Uni soon...then he said to his son that i m a part time only, as if inspiring his son to follow me....then ask me to study hard in future...haha....

Of course satisfaction is there, to top sales for DVD recorders and players...esp the players...not on display, no statistics, i sold 4 sets lar...top man...how can u do that? My strongest competitor was Melvin, haha...3 sets...was leading me for the whole afternoon on the last day with 3 sets when i had 2 but the last evening was the turning point...haha...damn funny...cause $129 only...so haha...King was like laughing when i told him i top that sales...haha...


Anyway, now life's back to normal le, going back to the BIG by SAFE departmental store to work....no crowd, no customers...boring place...

Quite pissed with World Vision lar...was suppose to go to the famine camp with 4 other friends one...as in i asked them along to go with me, confirmed and accepted us volunteering to help, now suddenly, send email to say too many people kick me and tons of other people out....hey, something wrong with the organisers rite? Dun confirm attendence when u maxed out ur capacity le lar...imagine if u sales talk someone to buy, the person going to pay money to buy le then u say no stocks...waste his time le...

DAMN DAMN DAMN UNPROFESSIONAL lar...WORLD VISION LE....international organization some more...cannot even do human resource management well....wtf man...

爱上一个人,其实真的很辛苦.
为别人而哭,
为别人而笑.
为别人而担心,
为别人而难过.
为别人而失眠,
为别人而委屈.
像是迷失了自己,变得如此的卑微
只为了一个人

想像若她不爱你.
你将在
卑微上更卑微.
辛酸上更辛酸.
心痛上更心痛.

这一切值得吗?