It's all in the act.

Welcome to My Life

Do you know me?
Are you sure you know me?
I dun even know myself...

水曜日, 11月 28, 2007

Now i can imagine why people can go crazy studying in hall...lol...

It's like i have zero degree of willingness to study for exam. The 6 day break is killing me with the holiday mood plus all my friends nearly all ended exams. There's not really much to do in hall now, plus i have to force myself to hit the books once again...the agonizing feeling...

Anyway, I realise that my AA201 is dead meat. The project 20% B-, then the in class assignment which i only got a miserable C+ is also 20%. Which means i m screwed because exams's not really easy. I think my max is a B+. I think I am really screwed...i dun even know wat the hell i was doing during AA201 lessons lar...keep missing it...I think it's karma...

Please dun let it spoil my result...I need a minimum of B+ for my target..arghhhhhhh....all that stupid Anil's fault also. Sucky tutor.

I wanna SCREAMMMMMMM.....

Frustrating. I feel like punching something or someone.

Get away from me, NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!!!!

火曜日, 11月 27, 2007

梁静茹 - 给未来的自己

站在狂风的天台一望无际
这一座孤寂的城市
在天空与高楼交接的尽头
谁追寻空旷的自由

阳光覆满这一刻宁静的我
隔绝了喧嚣和冷漠
川流不息的人游荡在街头
谁能听见谁的寂寞

找一个人惶惶相惜
找一颗心心心相印
在这个宇宙　我是独一无二
没人能取代

不管怎样　怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样　至少我很坚强
我很坦荡

夜幕笼罩灿烂的一片灯海
多少人多少种无奈
在星光里遗忘昨天的伤害
一觉醒来还有期待

我不放弃爱的勇气
我不怀疑会有真心
我要握住　一个最美的梦
给未来的自己

一天一天　一天推翻一天
坚持的信仰
我会记住自己今天的模样

有一个人惶惶相惜
有一颗心心心相印
抛开过去　我想认真去追寻
未来的自己

不管怎样　怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样　至少我很坚强
我很坦荡

我不放弃爱的勇气
我不怀疑会有真心
我要握住　一个最美的梦
给未来的自己

不管怎样　怎样都会受伤
伤了又怎样　至少我很坚强
我很坦荡

未来的你　会懂我的疯狂

That's the song i am talking about man....wnice lyrics...super descriptive of me...lol..perhaps everyone...=) I love Fish Leong's songs..ok lar...that's as usual.

月曜日, 11月 26, 2007

So that's it.

The 5 dragon boaters bodies were found.

So sad yet, so cruely real.

It certainly reminds u about the world. Take a look closely at the world around u, the people around and treasure them more. There's nothing more important than serioulsy, family, friends, love and relationships. Sometimes, we neglect them because of work, exams, studies...but please dun neglect all of them.

I know how it feels like to lose a friend u have been smiling to and talking to. Someone who seems so happy, but the next instant, just when everyone's busy....

I know how it feels like to lose a senior, whom u really respect, and yet, something just happened to him. It's like a knife that's suddenly stabbed into ur heart...u bleed so painfully, yet so numb for a while before it devours u into tears. I remember the last prayer, where every smile turns into tears.

You dunno how it feels like until u have been thru it.

Seriously...so dun wait till u have no chance before u tell those who care that u love them.

土曜日, 11月 24, 2007

Taking a break from my 3rd towards the last paper on the 29th...

Basically nearly everyone from Group A has completed exams other than the double specs people, which i believe 29th is the latest for double spec people. Even the BnF people are ending their exams on the 28th...damn unfair lar...they should be the latest...biggest cohort anyway...

Anyway, was watching American Idol just now...dunno season wat already lar...but their vocals are just super power...the passion in thier songs are really quite strong...i mean u can hear their emotions...especially Jennifer Lopez(Guest Star)...damn zai sia...she was singing this latin song...damn zai and nice although i dun understand a word...lol...

Anyway, I am having blank tots now...as in I wanted to type about something and I suddenly lost interest in it....Oh well...the enigmatic nature of me.

I was just wondering that people can become at a time so passionate and emotional about something, and yet, suddenly numb and daze...how susceptible is our human nature...so easily defeated by emotions...in fact, humans are powered by emotions, drived by emotions and ruled by them. Emotions are so powerful that they can change ur character, ur mindset, ur believes. Yet, we can never live without them.

Without them, there would be no, sadness, anger, happiness, touched...every single feeling of being alive...how ironical it is...

Anyway, I dun even know wat i wanna do after exams...when before exams, everyone was just saying "let's.....after exam" and all the .... just cant come into my mind...dunno why, it's not a joyous feeling, but rather like abit of lost and distaught. Maybe I have been melancholic for such a long long time that I already grew used to being more depressed and sad, that the joyous part of me was just very superficial...

Well this is life. U cant evpect me to be happy after all the emotional roller coaster rides i have been through all my life. A part of me looks back to the truthful and joyous self that I was once. A part of me despised me for being extremely naivc and childish to be so. A part of me is just numb.

Anyway, I just heard this new fish leong's song...super nice...her song's always damn meaningful...dunno why...it's called C'est la vie...sometimes lyrics tend to tell about of my life story, thats why i love her songs alot.

我会在你的记忆
看到我自己
看到了结局
爱在错过后更珍惜。

爱在遗憾里更清晰。

金曜日, 11月 16, 2007

Today was supposed to be a happy day, after my AC213 which i expected to do well for it...praying because it's my most confident core but someone just spoiled my day when i reach home happily waiting for a long waited home cooked dinner.

Apparently, one of my group members who did more for an IT project came to tell me and the other member that he demanded more marks, because we put in less effort.

Oh pardon me, my teacher has this fundamentally flawed weightage allocation, such as by using a percentage total. So that means if i think i did more and u did less, u get 90% adn i get 120%. That means u gain more marks on the marking down of ur groupmates. Seriously, i didn't think anyone would do it, unless one person free ride rite? And if ur project is a 50 marks standard, it would be a 50 marks standard. Even if u got 60, u got it because the other guy got 40 marks. Which is fundamentally flawed because it doesn't shows the standard of ur project.

So yes he put in more effort and did more. But it doesn't means that we free ride lor. I agree that he's more capable and did more, because it's database and coding, usually one person does the coding, the others damn difficult to read wat.

Firstly, i ask him to meet up in school or town, he dun want. He say can do alone. How can this kind of groupwork do alone? It sure to turn out that u complete it urself one wat?

The disgusting thing was that after he got the results that we weren't very good, he wanted to mark us 70% each for two adn he gets 160%. Assuming we got 50 marks for the project out of 100 each, adn now we gets 35 each and he gets 80.

*CLAP CLAP*

Nice A there. REally nice...

Seriously, my one and half year in Ntu doing projects, i have completed two projects with majority effort. This is the freaking first time i got to free ride with someone doing more effort than me (usually at most on par) and yet, i stupidity and happily think it was ok.

If i have knew, i dun sleep 3 nights i also would force myself to come up with the screens lar...er xing.

Damn er xing lar...human beings are damn er xing. I dun believe that someone could do that just for some grades. I mean, its not money or power. It's just freakin hell coursework grades...

DAMN DISAPPOINTING.

Good luck for your exams ya vanilla if u are reading this.

Calm down lixiang...back to books already...ARGHHHH...I wanna SCREAM!!!

ラベル: Er xing people

水曜日, 11月 14, 2007

Was studying halfway when there was an sms to wish me good luck. I replied out of courtesy and the person start to give me a niao sarcastic remark. Idiot...disrupt my chain of studying mood which i finally got back after like how many days...Wat the hell..

Watever man...er xing...people who dun get it, NEVER get it and insist that they got it. How disgusting can it be. It's like u have been studying all ur life and yet u didn't know that the bigger truth is still out there. At the end of the day, there are just somethings u dun understand, DO NOT INSIST that u understand the situation and make a mockery out of urself..

Mortals.

I cant be bothered anymore.

Anyway, been lacking in concentration to study...I really wonder wat the hell is wrong with me...concentrate...calm down...where is that HCJC boy in u that can read/memorise/think damn fast one.....WHERE!!!

One more day...i m going to take some tea and continue my fight to the last 24 hour.

Good luck to all those sound asleep/TRYING TO SLEEP AND CANT SLEEP/or still mugging people like me.

金曜日, 11月 09, 2007

There's this interesting personality test...haha...hmm...it's pretty accurate i would say for myself, but up to u to decipher if that's the real me...

Try it yourself, then tell me if it's accurate for u!

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

有些事情，我说根本忘不了，就不用去忘记吧。
反正人的一生，也就是为了创造追美丽的回忆而活着。
而没有痛苦的记忆，
就显不出幸福的曾经。

人真得很傻，
总是应为痛苦的过去
而埋藏了真正的自己

受越多的伤了，
就越学会了为保护自己，
而把自己伪装起来。

其实到头来，
欺骗的也只是自己，
只有自己。
得到的也只是表面的快乐而已。

花瓣伪装的一种坚强，
始终挡不住暴风雨的侵袭。

我知道，
最傻的是知道，
确做不到的自己。

哭过，
泪干了。
明天还是要继续往前走。

我想我们都需要再勇敢一点。

爱笑的眼睛
歌手：徐若瑄专辑：狠狠爱

如果不是那镜子
不像你不藏秘密
我还不肯相信
没有你我的笑更美丽
那天听你在电话里略带抱歉的关心
我嘟的一声切的比你说分手彻底
泪湿的衣洗干净阳光里晒干回忆
折好了伤心明天只和快乐出去
这爱的城市虽然拥挤
如果真的遇见你
你不必讶异我的笑她无法代替
离开你我才发现自己
那爱笑的眼睛流过泪
像躲不过的暴风雨
淋湿的昨天删去(忘记)
离开你我才找回自己
那爱笑的眼睛再见爱情
我一定让自己让自己决定

泪湿的衣洗干净阳光里晒干回忆
折好了伤心明天只和快乐出去
这爱的城市虽然拥挤
如果真的遇见你
你不必讶异我的笑她无法代替
离开你我才发现自己
那爱笑的眼睛流了泪
当一个人看旧电影
是我不小心而已
离开你我才找回我自己
那爱笑的眼睛再见到你
我一定让自己让自己坚定
离开你我才发现自己
那爱笑的眼睛流过泪
像躲不过的暴风雨
淋湿的昨天忘记
离开你我才找回自己
那爱笑的眼睛再见爱情
我一定让自己让自己坚定

再见到你
我一定让自己假装很坚定

火曜日, 11月 06, 2007

One more project left. BC207 data base...ok lar...still have AC213 part 4...after this can start to study le...

I find it amazing how late i usually start to study compared to so many people. I have been doing ok for the last two sem..this is probably one of my most inconfident sem, with three subjects unclear.

AA201 i think still can do something because it's calculative kind.
AA202 is conceptual...confusing, but i think still can answer. Plus i hope the good class work can tide me over some stuff.
BC207...the most agonizing one...

I dun even know if i am really suitable for IT double spec. Although i know it's really interest, but then because modules are actually very bias towards prior experiences and it retards learning. If u never have any prior experience, u would be lost in class like me...dunno how to do Oracle, SQL...blah blah...

If BC207 turn out less than B, i probably would drop my spec. Why would i insist on taking two major to pull down my GPA when if i take an elective i can simply just clear easy things with an A? Then who's the idiot who sets such a difficult double spec? Damn bias towards stupid people like me lar...

I pray this sem result to be maintained at my minimum B+ level still. And pray AC213 and AB214 with some miracle of A- lor...yup.

PRAYING HARD.

Sometimes i thing the things i do are really not worth the effort, for studies or for people.

But at the end of the day, i tot again, if i am going to really consider everything, it just makes things draggy. And it makes things so transaction alike...which is really very fake.

For study, i am stupid i know, i need to work harder, less sleep and i m not afraid to fight and pit against talents and brains.

For people, i do not expect anything in return. Just a sincere smile in return would be great.

I love the stress and exciting life i am having now.